8:00pm Need to find an ATM. Damn, it’s got to be a Bank of America. I don’t want to pay the $2 I’ll get charged so I will drive around aimlessly for hours wasting gas at $5 a gallon instead.
8:35pm I don’t think this is a particularly nice area of town. Lots of winos around. Hey, there’s a Bank of America! I knew I would find one here, they like to give money to people that can’t really afford to pay back loans. Makes sense to find one here.
9:00pm OMG! I was robbed at the ATM. It was a huge black man with a knife! I gave him my $60 but when he saw my McFool bumper sticker he beat me up, gave me a black eye and then carved an “O” in my face. He said I should vote for the Obamessiah!
10:00pm That knife thing? Yeah, actually he hit me from behind and knocked me unconscious. I just assumed it was a knife since I’m ‘maimed’ now. Darn those Obamessiah supporters!
11:00pm Oh yeah, he sexually assaulted me. Unconscious? Yeah, well I just know. What black man could resist putting his hand up under my shirt to grab my boob after robbing me at knifepoint, knocking me unconscious from behind and carving an “O” in my face?
11:30pm Cell phones? No, I was in the middle of town but there was no signal so I left when I woke up, drove to my friend’s house and called the police. I just assumed he robbed me because I was missing $60. Of course he robbed me because that’s what black guys that support the Obamessiah do isn’t it?
9am The ATM cameras don’t show me taking any money out of it? It must be a conspiracy on the part of the police who all want the Obamessiah to be president. How could a man be a good president that has supporters like that I ask you. You know he’s actually the anti-christ don’t you? Yeah, I read it on the Internet so you know it’s true.
10am That whole letter carved in the face thing? Yeah, maybe it’s not true but I can’t remember anything.
11am Well, maybe I did it myself. I don’t really remember
12pm You know, I have had prior mental problems. That’s what it must be. It’s all the government’s fault because they made me stop taking my medicine. Yeah, that’s it.
1pm You know, if the government spent more money on ADHD and stuff things like this wouldn’t happen. It’s all the government’s fault. If you elect McFool he’ll fix everything!

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