What the Fuck?
So I’m just sitting here minding my own business. The house is fairly quiet. The wife and youngest have gone to a luau birthday party for another 6-year-old and my oldest girl is mowing the neighbor’s lawn. Sweet! I should be napping.
Anyway, I’ve been browsing a few of my RSS feeds for a story to post to my crime blog. I think I’ve found one. This special-ed teacher that actually paid a student after he had sex with her. She’s not bad looking either. Sweet deal. I didn’t have too many hot teachers and I damn sure never knew of any that would pay to have sex. Now I know why I hate people and it’s not because they don’t pay to have sex with me either.
I’ll get to the point sooner or later. My mind seems to be jumping around on me this evening. As I said, I was sitting there contemplating hot special-ed teachers when I get a call from one of the cooks in one of my restaurants. She says “What are we going to do about this, boss”?
“About what” I asked?
“Did you not get my text message?”
“We have roaches”
silence….you could almost hear the fucking crickets chirping in the background…
“OK” As in what the fuck do you want me to do about it?
“I moved the coffee machine and a couple crawled out onto the backbar”
Well hell, let me jump right the fuck in my car and rush down there and kill the roaches for you. I’m not doing anything else important right now.
It took quite a bit of will-power to actually say “I’ll make sure to call our pest service Monday and get them out there”
“And there’s a dead rat on the back porch”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Throw it away and wash your hands after?”
I explained that working in a restaurant (that she has been employed at for six fucking months) you are bound to see the occasional roach no matter how clean the store is because even if I have the exterminator out every two days roaches come in with our vendors. The bread people, the produce truck and the big delivery truck on Wednesdays. I’ve run the cleanest stores on this side of the state and I’ve run some really nasty ones as well and one thing that is constant is always fighting the flies and roaches and an occasional rodent that comes in through the back door when you aren’t looking. She still sounded confused when I hung up the phone with her. I think she actually expected me to shout “Oh No! Roaches. I’ll be right there to kill the cocksuckers!”
So I check my unchecked text messages and sure enough there it is “We got bugs INSIDE the store boss. Like Roaches” Yep, I got it.
Then the very next message was from one of my waitresses that’s working with this brain surgeon. “Look i found me a new pet out back lol” hehehe. And the picture to accompany the message?
Damn, but that’s an ugly little fucker. Perhaps the manager’s special tonight should be chili…