I’ve never been to the Absurdist‘s site before today but came across her blog from a comment at Fab’s site and down the page she has posted the 10 Dumbest Job Interview Moves, taken from an article over at CNN/Money. Being as how I get to interview people constantly I have heard or seen most of these and worse. Here are the top ten:

The job hunter…

1. “…told me to hire him because he was allergic to unemployment.”

2. “… said that we should hire him because he would make a great addition to our softball team.”

3. “…said he should get the job because he had already applied three times and he felt that it was now his turn to be hired.”

4. “…said we had nice benefits, which was good because he was going to have to take a lot of leave in the coming year.”

5. “… drafted a press release announcing that we had hired him.”

6. “… explained that he had no relevant experience for the job he was interviewing for, but his friend did.”

7. “… delivered his entire cover letter in the form of a rap song.”

8. “…told me she wanted the position because she wanted to get away from working with people.”

9. “…brought his mother to the interview and let her do all the talking.”

10. “…when our company moved to Texas, gave us his resume in a ten-gallon hat.”

I commented on here post about it and then realized that I should write a little on it myself and maybe post it here. We have a process where I work to try and weed out some of the really dumb ones. Everyone that comes in has to fill out a ‘mini-app’. Basically it is just the pertinent info such as name, number, address, whether you have worked for us before and the hours you are willing to work. There is also a 1-800 number that all applicants have to call and take a short, ten minute ‘honesty test’. The questions range from stuff like ‘how many days have you missed in the last three months’, how many days have you been tardy i the last three months’, and ‘true or false, most people will steal if given the chance’. If they fail and don’t get a confirmation number, the interview stops right there, you are unemployable as far as we are concerned. Anyone stupid enough to answer true to the last question doesn’t need to work there and if you are so jaded as to think that most people steal we don’t want you either.

We have some real hard-hitters too Winking. My managers aren’t supposed to hire anyone without a car or a phone. Duh. It’s surprising how many people don’t have either and they will damn hire them anyway…

I also have a few personal ‘must-haves’ when I interview people. Luckily stupidity isn’t a protected disability because I have excluded quite a few people. If you can’t count back change in your head I won’t hire you. If you don’t have at least three-quarters of your teeth I won’t hire you. If you don’t come dressed as if you want a job and bring a pen with you I won’t interview you. I may let you borrow one and then keep your application for one of my managers to look at and deal with when they get back but I don’t have time for people that don’t come prepared because that tells me that you won’t come prepared for work.

I generally schedule my interviews for the end of the day, shortly before it’s time for me to go home. If you can’t get there on time, tough shit, I go home. I don’t have time for tardiness. As a matter of fact, when one of my employees is late I generally have the shift covered within ten minutes, unless they have called me ahead of time to tell me they are going to be late. I understand that everyone sleeps late, people run out of gas and get stuck in traffic. I have no problem with that as long as they pick up the phone and let me know.

The last couple of times that I have opened new stores I generally leave a box of applications and pencils OR crayons with the construction superintendent. The applications that are filled out in pen get first consideration.

I had this chick come in to apply for a job once. She had on cut-off short shorts, a halter top and wore this red bandana. She was actually pretty hot but come one, if you really want a job is it necessary to look like you were working in the yard and just decided to drop by and see if I was hiring? Show a bit of pride in your appearance and I will be more likely to interview you. It’s one thing if I am applying for a job cutting grass or working in a head shop but it’s quite another altogether when I want to go to work in a service position. I at least want to look professional.

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