Dead Babies and Other Fun Stuff

The Addams Family (make sure that you listen to this while you read the post).


I have a member of the Addams Family working for me, and the entire family hangs out in my restaurant. I suppose with all of the build-up I should elaborate a bit.

I have this one seventeen year old girl that has been working for me, oh..about six months or so. She works the graveyard shift. Her entire family has always reminded me of the Beverly Hillbillies sans money. Serious trailer trash.

A couple of days after I came off my vacation this girls has brought some pictures with her and brings them back to me in the office during shift change. She’s cooing over them, hands me one and says “Isn’t she beautiful?”

Hesitantly I took a look. There is this chick holding a baby. The baby looks like someone beat it with a fucking stick. Seriously. Being the sensitive guy I am and not wanting to repeat my thoughts out loud for fear of losing my job I replied “yep, all babies are beautiful in their own way”. Personally I thought that was a wonderfully diplomatic answer. What the fuck do you say when it looks like the baby you are holding looks worse than an opossum that’s been run over by a tractor trailer?

Out of her sweet little retard mouth comes the punch line “She’s dead”.

Shit, what do I say now? I just held my tongue.

Long story short, apparently this girls aunt was seven months pregnant. Her husband beats her in the stomach causing her to go into labor. I don’t know the specifics of whether she was DOA or if she lived for awhile in the hospital or not. I didn’t ask. She goes on to tell me about the fact that her aunt had told her this but she was afraid to say anything and that her aunt was not going to report it either. Wouldn’t the doctors be able to tell something like this?

Then she shows me the rest of the pictures of them cradling the baby, including one with the father holding the baby just fucking smiling. That’s the one that makes me the angriest.

You know, it can cost thousands of dollars and time spent “training” just to adopt a child and these fucking inbred morons get to make them for free. What do they care, they can make another miserable little redneck any time they want?

Last night my waitress was sitting at the counter with her mother getting ready to come on the floor for her shift and her MOTHER starts showing me the pictures, acting the same way, as if this was the best thing since peanut butter.

One of my day shift waitresses called them the Addams Family today, thus the connection for me. It is just very surreal. Most times I am completely capable of minding my own business when it comes to child beating, wife beating, ice, crack, and all of the millions of other stupid assed things my employees do but I don’t know if I am going to be able to this time.

Perhaps a little Alice Cooper would have been apropos but I think I will stick with the original mp3 I posted.