Things NOT to say while having sex

I’ve finished that girls taxes and am cooking dinner. Before opening up those PCs I needed a quick break. I actually posted this last year, today but it was semi-funny so here it is again.

I have to poop.

Smile for the camera.

Get off me, I’ll do it myself.

This is your first time…right?

You’re almost as good as my ex.

When is this supposed to feel good?

I thought YOU had the keys to the handcuffs!

I was so horny tonight i would have brought a sheep home.

Keep it down, my mother is a light sleeper.

Hey! My friends were right! You ARE good.

I’m starting to sober up and you’re getting ugly.

But everybody looks funny naked!

Do I have to pay for this?

No, you’re too fat to be on top. You’d kill me!

Actually, your sister likes it like this.

What’s your name again?

Hold on, let me change the channel.

It’s nice being in bed with someone i don’t have to inflate.

Uhhh…I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago.

2 throughts on "Things NOT to say while having sex"

  1. I used to have a roommate who’s private fantasy was for his girlfriend to wrap him in saran wrap and do the dirty on him.

    Whad did you say your name was?

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