What The Heck Is That?

That was the question I asked myself about mid-morning.

I had gone into the men’s room to take a dump and lying there on the bathroom floor was a single solitary little turd all in a lump looking like a piece of chocolate someone had dropped to the floor on their way out. It was lying about halfway between the sink and the toilet.

What exactly were they doing that caused the turd to hit the floor three feet from the toilet? There might be a few explanations I suppose.

1. He had his head stuck in the toilet snacking and his ass pointed the other way.

2. He couldn’t decide what was more important. Wash Hands. Shit. Wash Hands. Shit. Wash Hands. Shit. SHIT!

3. Something like an alligator or a turd burglar was hiding in the toilet lying in wait and bit him on the ass just as it was peeking out.

4. He ate jumping beans for breakfast and it hopped out of the toilet because he forgot to flush.

5. It was really the new millennium replacement for Pet Rocks and toys of that ilk, the Bile Ball!


Not that I go around crapping on other people’s floors too often but I would think that if I let one slip out on to the floor I would feel the need to clean up my fecal matter just in case someone was in line right after me. How embarrassing would it be for the next guy to stick his head out the door as you were going back out into the dining area “Hey Buddy! You left your turd on the floor!”

Needless to say my immediate need to go went away rather quickly and after having cleaned the restrooms I had to go disinfect myself in fear that I might catch something nasty.

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