John Fitzgerald Page?


I didn’t know until a little while earlier when I came across a couple of stories earlier as well as a video from CBS news where Julie Chen did an interview with him.

From what I gather the dude is trying to get a date at and some chick dissed him, at which point in time he send an ugly email back. So what? People send ugly emails to each other all of the time and in a semi-anonymous online dating environment it’s probably worse. The lady, who he terms a ‘fat chick’ turned around and released the email, it was posted to and they have coined him the worst person in the world because of the email. Damn. One would think Osama Bin Laden or Pesident nonamamembawhateva from North Korea would top this list, but no, it’s a guy who doesn’t like fat chicks. I guess it makes sense when your world revolves around and Perez Hilton for your daily dose of inane.

Not that I have anything against fat people myself. At 41 (not quite but almost) I am not quite as lithe as I used to be, but he can have his own opinions no matter how overinflated his ego may be. Personally I think the guy is a bit stuck on himself, and the fact that he has to resort to flirting with unseen fat chicks on the Internet should be the first fucking clue that maybe Mr. Personality ISN’T.

Gawker even has an entire page of news stories devoted to the douchebag. Here’s the original email he sent to the lady:

I live in a 31 story high rise condominium, right in the middle of the Buckhead nightlife district. Do you ever come to this area of town to shop/go out/visit/explore? I went to an Ivy League school – the University of Pennsylvania – for my undergraduate degree in economics and my graduate degree in management (Wharton School of Business). Where did you go to school? What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds – what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact… I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria’s Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions? Do you have any other recent pictures you care to share? I have many others if you care to see them. Regards, John
John Fiztgerald Page

At this point she sent him a polite ‘no thanks’ and had decided they weren’t a match. No harm no foul right? Move on to the next fish in the Internet sea. John sent this email in return.

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards – not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes! So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don’t blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel’s Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren’t any more of those! Regards, John
John Fitgerald Page

I guess it’s obvious why he’s looking for love online now, the stuck up metrosexual, but worst person in the world? Fucking hardly. He’s the jock in high school that was so stuck on himself that it was obvious to everyone but him how idiotic he was, except that John never grew out of it.

Dude’s got some hair issues too. Even has a web page. Check out the commercial. I hate to keep making fun of this guy but jesus, there is so much to make fun of here. Even his About Me page (the url is aboutus.aspx, us as in the plural). Here are the contents.

I started in “the business” years ago modeling for Wright Models during high school. I used my 98th percentile score on the SAT & ACT to acquire a Mensa membership then combined that with my 97th percentile G.P.A. to go on to a five star collegiate program. I was educated at the University of Pennsylvania, an Ivy League institution founded in 1740 by Benjamin Franklin – the oldest university in the nation. I was social chairman of a football fraternity, published/edited the humor magazine and took classes at the Wharton School of Business (perennially ranked #1 in the world). I have worked & consulted for several Fortune 500 companies, including Time Warner, USA Today, GTE, Sprint, Pitney Bowes & Limited Brands. I have saved 2 of these companies almost $1 million dollars combined. I was the financial analyst during the $680 million dollar initial public offering of Intimate Brands (includes Victoria’s Secret and Bath & Body Works) and also created a $22 million budget from scratch for them. I am an avid traveler and have been to St. Thomas & St. John, Aruba and Zurich. I have lived in / visited almost every major city in the United States, having seen 38 of the 50 states. I am well connected, having lunched with the U.S. Secretary of Defense & the U.S. Ambassador to South Africa during the time I spent in Washington, D.C. I have been in the “fame game” for years, meeting celebrities like Luke Perry, Cynthia Nixon, Dave Matthews, Je
ff Foxworthy, Joe Montana, Bill Cosby, Biz Markie, Toby Keith, Joe Frazier, Mark Cuban, Dominique Wilkins, Bob Barr, Wade Boggs, Jeff Burton, Tony LaRussa, Steve Harvey, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Jim Caviezel, Tiffany, Warrick Dunn, Nikki Hilton, Curly Neal, Jerry O’Connell, Rik Smits, Kathy Bates, Thomas Jane, Kelly Preston, Vivica A. Fox, Steven Seagal, Larry the Cable Guy, Ken Branagh, Lil Jon, Les Wexner, Dwight Gooden, Nancy Lopez, Ray Knight & LeAnn Rimes to name a few. I have appeared in 14 major motion pictures and counting…

I think it’s time I go find something more productive to talk about now Rolling on the floor