So this dude works at the pickle factory.
He comes home from work one day and tells his wife “I want to put my dick in the pickle slicer”
Thinking this was pretty damn weird she asks him to go to a sex therapist.
Being embarrassed he refuses.
He comes home from work one day a few weeks later with a very dejected look on his face.
His wife asks him what was wrong.
“I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer”
“What happened?”
“They fired me”
“…no…I mean with the pickle slicer”
I was just reading about this pretty cool damned device at CNN. Basically it projects a noise similar to the ringtones that can be downloaded that only teens can hear but this noise is extremely grating on the nerves. Kids and animals can hear it but for whatever reason it is really only painful to those around 12 or older up until the early twenties. I find it kind of interesting that the mainstream media is just now picking up on this, at least CNN and the AP. Gizmodo and Ubergizmo had a post up on this gadget almost three months ago.
I’ve already been through one teenager. If I install this fucker in my basement the kids will run away when they are 12 and won’t come back until they are adults. Sweet!
In all seriousness, I can see where this would be good to have. Private property, bars and other adult establishments, anywhere that kids loiter and get into trouble, etc.
There has been a public outcry in some places with people saying it violates their civil liberties. Expect the ACLU to get involved with their socialist nonsense before too long. Right now they say they don’t have a position on the issue. Really as long as you are using it to keep people off of private property it does nothing to violate their rights anyway, it just protects the rights of the property owners.
There are apparently some schools that have installed them as well in order to keep the crowds from gathering after football games and such.
You can get to the product page here.
Somehow I missed this amidst the several hundred emails Monday morning and didn’t get this posted. I really need to sit down and go through my inbox with the delete button. Anyhow, on with this weeks post!
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Wednesday must be meme day or something because there seem to several that I participate in on Wednesdays. When I remember anyway.
This week’s post for ABC Wednesday is brought to you by the letter “N”. What’s “N” for? N is for Nassau because the trip is still fresh in my mind and I am ready to go back to the Caribbean and hang for awhile.
I took this shot on Potter’s Cay. We went down there specifically for the conch salad. It was one long hot walk from downtown. Next time we’re renting scooters or something.
I don’t particularly consider myself a good photographer but occasionally everyone gets lucky. I really like that shot.
This one sort of shows the old and the new. That is a shot of Potter’s Cay and behind it you can see the Atlantis resort on Paradise Island. We never did make it over to Paradise Island. I thought it was senseless to go over to sight see at some damned hotel and go shopping when there was plenty to do right in Nassau with a lot more colorful people as well.
We had a wonderful weekend in the Bahamas and hopefully we can return again soon. I would like to go for longer but as long as it’s with the girls, going to the beach means going local to me. I just don’t see the sense of dragging them out of the country when they won’t even notice the difference.
I got this next one while we were wandering down one of the side streets downtown.
There was some old dude playing the organ for tips right around there as well…Ahh there he is. Took me a minute to find the picture. He had himself a nice sunny spot to play in and was having a pretty good time of it. Looks like he was set up for the long haul though.
This is the Straw Market. You seen one flea market you seen ’em all right?
Maybe, maybe not. They certainly had a ton of stuff at great duty free prices as well. There were probably 100 different “stalls” or “stores” but most of the stuff seemed to be the same. There was a pretty good choice of stuff to buy but after you’ve looked at a couple hundred shirts, hats and purses it’s time to move on to something else…
Like the Beach! This is Cable Beach, right outside of our hotel at 7a.m. or so on the day we were leaving.
If you want to jump in and participate in ABC Wednesday head over to Mrsnesbitt’s Place. This week’s is already up for your perusal over there.
So.
Although I am taking today off (crossing my fingers) I still have to get my staffing and call it in to my boss. If for some reason one of my stores isn’t staffed and I can’t find anyone to work I get to fill the spot. That’s what ownership’s all about.
At least that’s the lie I am telling myself.
If I owned it (solely) I would be closed one day a week.
And on holidays.
And quite possibly when I was on vacation as well.
Thus the fact that I work for someone else. Can’t make any money when you are closed.
Anyhow, I am sitting here making coffee listening to my 10-year-old whine and bitch about the fact that she has to go to church and spend the day with friends while the wife and I go to the Renaissance Festival.
“I don’t like their church, it’s boring” got the answer “just sleep through it, that’s what I do” from me which earned quite a sharp look from the wife.
🙂
I have all kinds of respect for other people’s superstitions faith and sometimes that respect comes shining through in the wrong way.
The kids had company over for supper the other night and one of the other children was talking about Jesus with one of our kids. He made the statement about God knowing when you’ve been good or bad so of course Santa Claus Comes to Town pops in my fucking head and I said “Hey, does he check his list twice?”
You better watch out
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Jesus Christ is coming to town
He’s making a list
And checking it twice;
Gonna crucify anyone not nice
Jesus Christ is coming to town
He sees you when you’re rutting
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!
O! You better watch out!
You better not cry
Better not pout
I’m telling you why
Jesus Christ is coming to town
Jesus Christ is coming to town
So how about that Pope? Not Pope Al Gore of the Church of Global Warming but Pope Benedict. He’s on his U.S. Tour in the Popemobile right now. I was hoping to catch his show but it was sold out.
The wife just came in and saw I was getting ready to write something nasty about the Pope, when I really wasn’t so now I won’t. Why would I knock the the head of the largest hypocritical criminal empire in the history of the world? Particularly when they have a direct line to the ear of god. Crap, I might find bugs and shit attacking me were I to think bad things about his holiness.
I need to stop while I’m ahead…
Hey and if anyone wants to come hang, I’ll be at the ren fest in a couple of hours!
I hate when people put flyers and shit on my car in parking lots. It’s just irritating as hell. Apparently my wife didn’t notice when she went grocery shopping last night but the fucking Domino’s Pizza in the Wal-Mart parking lot is apparently putting them on cars. It has rained since then and apparently the flyer was actually one of those sticky fucking stickers that they stick on the fucking pizza boxes. The shit won’t come off now.
I logged on to their web site earlier and the complaint I left them was much nicer than what I typed above. I don’t know what it is but the more I think about it the more steamed I get. I think if I can’t get it off tomorrow we need to take it up there and let the manager get the shit off the car. Anyhow, here’s the comment I left them.
I am not sure who had the bright idea of putting flyers under windshield wipers in the Wal-Mart parking lot, but apparently the ones from this location have something sticky on the back as it won’t come off of my wife’s windshield. I operate a restaurant a couple of doors down from this location and I have to tell you that I really don’t appreciate having this stuff stuck to my wife’s car as it appears I am going to have to take razor blades and WD-40 to get it off. If I wanted a Domino’s pizza flyer stuck to my car I would put it there myself.
Thanks for nothing.
Pretty tame actually. Curse words started flowing from my fingers so I had to cut it short, which is why I have continued my venting here. If I want to advertise your fucking pizza company on the windshield of my wife’s NEW FUCKING CAR I WOULD AIRBRUSH YOUR GODDAMNED NAME ON IT MYSELF YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKERS! I ALREADY QUIT USING YOUR FUCKING RESTAURANT SINCE YOU ONLY DELIVER TO MY NEIGHBORHOOD HALF THE TIME ANYWAY. PAPA JOHNS HAS MUCH BETTER PIZZA AND THEY DELIVER TO MY HOUSE ALL THE FUCKING TIME NOT JUST WHEN THEY FEEL LIKE IT.
Now we return you to your regularly scheduled program…
Face it. I’m. a. pig.
Just ask my wife, she’s had to live with me for twenty years and it only gets worse 🙂
I can’t think of too many things more fun to watch than a bunch of frolicking cheerleaders unless it’s a bunch of cheerleaders frolicking in person. W00t! You’ll know when you’ve been hit by this hot cheery bunch
Check this video out…
OMG. I laughed my tail off watching some of the video at their site over at Squad81. Not only that but you can send out a cheer to other people (or just hang out and play with them yourself as well). Cheers for great happenings in a person’s life such as Can’t get a date, you suck at sports, you’re ugly and finally got lucky. If I could embed some of the cheers over here, believe me I would. As it is you need to head over to Squad81 and check them out yourself.
While you’re there check out the sweepstakes they are offering as well. Sign up and if you win the Squad81 Cheer Squad will be invading your space and bringing along with them a new wardrobe full of Squad81 clothes. I don’t know if I’m eligible or not after writing about them but I darn sure entered the contest.
…time to go to work, I can’t stick around all day playing with cheerleaders.
I love leather. Not like that but I do love me the feel of a nice pair of leather boots and a leather jacket. I got the jacket for Christmas but unfortunately my leather motorcycle boots that I have had for years just don’t seem to fit me anymore. I can barely squeeze my feet into them and forget about getting them off.
I used to have a great pair of cowboy boots and I have been thinking lately about getting a new pair instead of motorcycle boots. Heck, maybe I will just get both. Right after I pay the IRS for last years taxes 🙁
Cavender’s has some really nice boots I was looking at earlier today in addition to other accessories such as western belt buckles, wallets and other fine creations. They’ve got all different styles and plenty of western gear from shirts and jeans to boots and belts.