Shadowscope

It’s not often that I have a day at work that’s quite as ugly as yesterday was. Most days it’s just the same old thing at work. Nothing particularly exciting happens and that’s quite a good thing.

Yesterday was a bit different though. Not in the “exciting” department, but damn sure not boring.

I have worked very hard over the last few years to learn to be nice to people at work and not to snap at them when they are doing something I consider wrong. While they do need to “do right” nobody deserves to work with an asshole and that’s exactly what I used to be at work.

It took every ounce of energy yesterday not to tell the person I was working with on the grill to just fucking leave if they couldn’t step up the pace a bit. It’s fucking embarrassing to not be able to get folks taken care of in a timely manner, particularly when I live here in town and have to see those same customers day in and day out.

I have to work with the same woman this morning and hopefully today will go at least a little bit smoother than yesterday did.

Not that I post regularly enough for anyone to actually come here and comment but as I am tired of all the fucking spam that Movabletype lets through, even using Sixaparts spam plugin, I have changed the commenting system.

I have been using Disqus over at my crime blog for about nine months now and it has done a great job for me. It allows for you to continue and comment anonymously or you can sign up there and upload your avatar. You can also use your Facebook or twitter account for verification and it will use whatever avatar you have set up there.

Disqus also allows for comment posting without having to refresh the page, which is something I’ve been wanting for a while anyway.

I did make a few other changes which knocked out my sidebar links and stuff. I’ll get that stuff back on shortly.

My dad would have been 64 today had it not been for his untimely passing 13 days ago.

I started writing this post a week or so ago and have erased the first couple of paragraphs two or three times simply because I pen a few words and then don’t know what to say, don’t like what I’ve said or just think it looks stupid as hell.

The last two weeks have been pretty difficult for me as well as the rest of my family, particularly my mother. The two of them have been together for the better part of 48 years except for his time overseas and occasional business trips. My parents, like myself (or vice versa), have never been huge social butterflies or anything along those lines. While they have friends, they are each other’s best friends. It’s pretty fucking hard to lose your best friend in life.

I suppose one of the reasons I am having a difficult time finding the right words is the fact that I haven’t really given myself time to grieve or work this out for myself and what it means for me. I’ve spent the last two weeks keeping busy and that’s it. I don’t really know how to grieve very well. I’m not a particularly emotional person, or at least I hide it well anyway. Messy emotions have no place in my little plan and tears get in the way. That makes for a pretty fucked up day when you just want to shed a few tears.

I think I’ll just ramble for a while. Stick around. Or not. I don’t really give a fuck.

…

Some of my favorite memories from my childhood were our camping trips. My dad, while not an avid outdoorsman, loved to go camping. They did it as children as well and he spent his childhood in the Boy Scouts, as did I. I can’t recall if he ever made Eagle Scout or not but if not he was pretty damned close. I think I remember him talking about the Explorers, so that would mean that he was an Eagle.

As I said, camping was a favored activity as a child. Since it was the four of us it was never serious backpacking but just having a good time at places like Stone Mountain, Amicalola Falls and Unicoi. One year we camped at Stone Mountain on Easter weekend. That was pretty fun. The park was different then than in recent years.

When I was ten my mom and dad took me to Disney World. That was my first trip there and a memory which I cherish. Back then it was only a few years old and the only park was the Magic Kingdom and you had the choice of three different places to stay unless you wanted a hotel in Orlando. We camped in the Fort Wilderness campsites, which is where I took the family in April 2009. I can remember sitting on the beach with my mom and dad watching the light show on the lake that they did at night. Utterly fantastic, particularly for a child of ten. I got the privilege of using their early 70’s Kodak Instamatic 110 during the trip and took all sorts of nonsensical pictures and maybe a few decent ones as well. I don’t have any of them but I plan on rectifying that son. I’m pretty sure my mom has some of them in photo albums I can scan.

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One thing I never understood until the last few years is how much pride my dad took in his two sons. I seem to remember doing a lot of stupid shit as a kid and once I hit high school it only got worse. The proverbial black sheep, as it were. At one point in time they thought about sending me to live with my Great Aunt who had retired in Florida, but my other relatives down there wanted no part of my acting out so they had to choose other solutions which we won’t get into here. I didn’t involve duct tape though, thank goodness.

There are people who can make the right decisions automatically all through their lives and be very successful. I’m not one of them. Until the last few years I’ve made a lot of bad choices, tend to jump to instant decisions rather than weighing the consequences, just generally didn’t care at the time how my choices would play out in the lives of other people. We are after all the center of our own universes. Being the center of my own universe hasn’t changed much but I’ve learned from doing stupid shit. Learning from our mistakes and taking a different course of action is one of the things that makes us human I guess.

All the while I was making bad choices my father was unwavering in his love for me. I realize that now and I never had the opportunity to express that to him, which is now distressing me to no end. I only recall a couple of occasions where he would get really angry and I deserved it at the time. Mostly it was just concern and love and when I would eventually work my way out of the situation my parents were still there.

….

It’s hard to type when you can’t see the fucking keyboard through the mist.

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This thing has been sitting on my computer most of the day today. I meant to finish the post but I think I’ll just put it up as is.

We’re hosting a get-together at Casa Miles the weekend of August 14th at our place. Cook-out, hang out, nothing spectacular. I’ll send out some facebook messages and emails but if I forget you shoot me an email and I’ll send you directions.

The wife is graduating with her EDS next weekend, which is part of the celebration although she doesn’t want to have a party for herself so we’re calling it a back to school thing. There will be the usual debauchery but as always kids are welcome so not too much drinking or grossness 🙂

While I am posting crime entries at an entirely different site now some of the archives remain. The images are gone but the posts are all mirrored at the other site.

My personal stuff is at yet another blog. I most likely won’t be moving them over here because it’s a big pain in the ass to export and import seven + years of entries.

Why three sites?

I figure I will continue to post in all three. This one for mostly family-safe stuff (other than the older crime-related posts that your children darn sure don’t need to see, my other personal one for NSFW type junk and general ramblings, and of course the third site for my crime-blogging exploits. I also actually own a few more domains with blogs on them and may or may not occasionally update them as well, depending on my current set of interests and time.

Anyway, see you at some point tomorrow!

One of my favorite photos from the girl’s first trip to Disney. Actually all three of the children were there. This was two years before Chris joined the Marine Corps. Pete and RePete were six and two, respectively. That year we stayed at the Contemporary Resort for a week at the beginning of October. As a matter of fact we ended up adding an extra day at the end of the trip. It was a blast and the beginning of what has turned out to be several trips back.

We skipped a couple of years and in 2008 we stayed at the Polynesian Resort for a week at the beginning of June. It was an extremely tiring week (very fucking hot!) and on the last day we got up and decided to just make the damned drive home. That’s been part of the problem. I am fairly limited to my vacation time. I get two seven day and one ten day vacations each year. Normally my ten day is in the summer when the girls are out of school. It’s somewhere between 8-10 hours to drive from here to Orlando so by the time we make it we are usually too exhausted. Two days wasted.

Last year we went during spring break. Holder and the girls really wanted to go so I booked us for three days and four nights at the Fort Wilderness Campgrounds. I was in the middle of paying the IRS a crapload of money so didn’t have a ton to spend so we went the cheapo route. We had a good time but it was rainy and again, the drive didn’t help at all.

Anyone who’s been around my blog(s) for a while, and it would have to be quite a while since up until recently I haven’t posted dick except for crime stories at Sick Crimes, knows my aversion to flying. The older I get the less I enjoy it. I think part of that is the fact that I just don’t fly a lot. It may also be a control issue. I have the same problem riding shotgun in a car. Perhaps if I took flying lessons that would help me out. Not that I’m about to buy a plane any time soon but it would be cool…

Anyway, we’re heading back down to Orlando again. This time we are flying down at the end of October (October and February seem to be the most comfortable down there). We’re only going to be there for four days but Holder can only get three personal days off of work and the girls will also be missing three days of school as well. Fuck it, some things are worth it. Not only that but we will be there Halloween weekend, which is coincidentally my favorite holiday of the year as well. I am The girls are really looking forward to trick-or-treating at the Magic Kingdom 🙂

We are also going to be staying at the Grand Floridian this time, which is one resort we haven’t stayed at yet. Repete is now seven and Pete turns 13 two days before the trip. Amazing how time flies when you’re having fun.